Week 1 Wrapped
We finally have football back. It started with an absolute snooze fest in Seattle and ended with the Chiefs being the Chiefs. Between all of that, the Lions nearly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, Bryce Young might be legit, and Kirk’s (Cousins, that is) career isn’t dead yet.
So, Week 1 is finished. Let’s see what our league made of it.
Predictions, scored
Unlikely Hero, in his incredible streak of invisibility, pulls it off again beating .08 Over Par, keeping his unbeaten streak going after a strong postseason.
W Much to my dismay, I was right. Unlikely Hero coasted to Monday Night Football with no sweat. Is he back to retain his title? Still early, but the team looks promising.
Kappital Punishment pulls out a close one in a showdown from 2025 powerhouse owners against Downriver Dingerfaces.
L Boy did I get this wrong. Talk about punishment. Downriver Dingerfaces rolled through his opponent like a freight train on the back of Spartan Dawg Kenneth Walker III and JJettas despite mediocre play from Love and Nix.
Bobbum Kalman eeks it out against Sacks in the City due to a strong opener from the Allen and Cook duo.
L Keeping with the theme of being completely wrong, I picked the wrong Kapp this weekend. Christian Watson was an absolute dog, despite the Packers falling apart as a team. Even with very strong production from Allen, Olave, and Likely, Bobbum Kalman couldn’t keep up.
The Battle of the Dans is a complete toss-up, but I'll go with the Honolulu Blue Koolaid over the Department of War due to Dan C. literally just getting married and probably not paying much attention to his lineup.
W Add this one to the win column for me. Sometimes your Defense and Kicker will win you a week you had no business winning. However, Department of War lost this week because of a dismal showing by the Broncos and Brandon Aubrey. Will this come back to haunt him come playoff time?
Goe Dirt coasts against You Shedeur she's 18? as the Seahawks are too much to handle.
L I am Shedeur Goe Dirt would take back starting Kyler Murray if he could. However, it still likely wouldn’t have been enough from the four foot phenom to escape with a victory.
Prediction record after Week 1: 2-3
Player Review
Week 1 MVP
Given to the Highest Scoring Player of the Week
Caleb Williams balled out scoring an eye popping 37.26 after the Bears scored a bajillion points. Yet, it still wasn’t enough for .08 Over Par to get the dub.
Dawg, for real?
Given to the lowest scoring rostered, active player each week
I’m going to give Kyler Murray a break because he got absolutely mollywopped to begin the game, but there’s no excuse for the notorious under-producer that is Kyle Pitts Sr.. Also joining him with a giant goose egg is second-year hopeful Colston Loveland, despite his team’s offense having unbelievable numbers.
Honorable Mentions
- I mentioned Kyler already. Very unfortunate situation for the Vikings who kinda dug their own grave…
- Jaylen Waddle had a lame beginning as a Bronco scoring one measly point.
Hello Darkness My Old Friend
Given to the highest scoring rostered, but benched player each week
Had Chuba Hubbard been in Bobbum Kalman’s lineup (23.7 FPTS, 10 carries, 3 receptions, 87 all purpose yards, and 2 TDs), it still wouldn’t have made a difference, but now he has to have it in the back of his mind that he could miss out on these points again.
FAABulous Pickup?
Given to the non-rostered player who scored the most points each week
Is Bryce Young finally blossoming? He rolled, perhaps turning the tide on his career, with 32.4 fantasy points on 361 yards passing, 3 TDs in the air, 10 rushing yards and 1 TD on the ground. The question is where does he find himself next week? I know Goe Dirt, .08 Over Par, and Bobbum Kalman could have used those points last week.
Show me the money!
This week’s Weekly Bonus winner is Unlikely Hero with an astounding 199.3 points scored. Don’t spend your $15 all in one place.
No one (wo)man should have all that power - Commish’s Power Rankings going into Week 2
- Unlikely Hero
- .08 Over Par
- Sacks in the City
- You Shedeur she’s 18?
- Honolulu Blue Koolaid
- Downriver Dingerfaces
- Department of War
- Bobbum Kalman
- Kappital Punishment
- Goe Dirt